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Desire2Learn changed to more hip Down2Learn
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Desire2Learn changed to more hip Down2Learn

This week, University of Wisconsin made an edgy attempt to better connect with students by changing the name of the most popular Learn@UW page. After speaking with  several students and discussing the implications of this powerful decision, the administration decided to change the name of “Desire2Learn” to the more hip and relatable “Down2Learn.” “It was … Continue reading

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UW Student,drinker shocked to receive BC on “Alcohol and Other Substance Use Disorders” exam

Following a gruesome week of studying for two exams and one quiz, University of Wisconsin junior Matthew Murphy was stunned after checking Learn@UW and finding he scored a BC on his Social Work 453 “Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse” class. “I originally took the class because I already am quite versed in disorderly drinking,” Murphy said. … Continue reading

Last remaining lights on at Van Hise shining in night sky like distant beacons of misery
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Last remaining lights on at Van Hise shining in night sky like distant beacons of misery

Students walking to and from parties and other social engagements Saturday evening saw several sad lights on in the upper floors of Van Hise, according to eyewitness accounts. Somewhere between three and five windows remained lighted on the upper floors of the looming building at 11:45 p.m., prompting witnesses to ruminate on what poor, hapless souls … Continue reading

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Wednesdays diagnosed with seasonal depression

Meteorologists have discovered that seasonal depression is the cause of the recent trend of cold rainy Wednesdays that have been occurring throughout recent months. Wednesday reportedly has been struggling with lethargy and a lack of motivation since early October and received this diagnosis after agreeing to meet with a meteorologist. “Yeah, Wednesday’s really been bringing … Continue reading

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Remaining cabinet positions to be filled by Disney villains

Following his unexpected election win, President-Elect Donald Trump began the work of hiring over 4000 people to his staff and cabinet. He recently named anti semitic, white supremacist “journalist” Steve Bannon as a senior policy advisor. This has spiked further outrage against Trump, giving substance to the claims that Trump is evil. Rather than trying … Continue reading

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Econ professor can’t bring self to call 101 students ‘economists’ today

Students in attendance at an Econ 101 lecture found themselves feeling unusually non-patronized today after their professor experienced an “earth-shattering epiphany.”   Professor Carice D. Nicholson, a tenured member of UW’s Department of Economics and a 20-year veteran of Econ 101, looked at her 9:30 a.m. class and could not bring herself to call her students … Continue reading

Trump demands rap musical be made about himself as apology for Pence’s treatment
News

Trump demands rap musical be made about himself as apology for Pence’s treatment

Vice President-elect Mike Pence attended Hamilton: An American Musical on Friday evening, motivating the significantly diverse cast to address him personally, stating they hoped the show “Inspires him to defend and uphold their inalienable rights.” Trump, at the first sign of minorities speaking out, pounced on the issue and demanded a complete apology, from the … Continue reading